INGERLAND

Ingerland is a rather strange country. For a start, it seems to be almost entirely populated by men, and not very attractive ones to boot. They generally wear either extremely tight-fitting white T-shirts, or no shirt at all. They have large beer bellies, and lots of aggressive tattoos, and they demonstrate a fashion sense, which in my youth was called "builder's bum". Their underlying skin tone is generally white, but exposed areas can often be bright pink. I sometimes wonder if they use body paint.

Ingerlanders quite obviously have a deep cultural heritage, since they are always singing local folksongs. However, I have not managed to learn many words of their language, since most of the songs seem to consist principally of the one word Ingerland. Maybe I am just getting old.

I tend to see Ingerlanders every four years or so, when the football World Cup is on. Is that just a coincidence? I think it must be, since no Ingerlander looks remotely suited to playing serious football. Perhaps if I knew more words, I could ask them.

Walter Blotscher